


Shadows.

by Y3na



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Cheating, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 08:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12055389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Y3na/pseuds/Y3na
Summary: You're Kuroo's side chick, but you want something more.Loosely based on the song Shadows by Childish GambinoConstructive criticism is welcome!Also, this was originally posted on my blog: serves-up.tumblr.com





	1. One.

You always had an odd relationship with Kuroo.

You two were close since high school, people often thought you two were dating. You both continued to deny it, claiming you were “just friends”, but you wished that wasn’t the case. You definitely felt something for Kuroo. You weren’t completely sure what it was, but you knew it was stronger than friendship. Throughout high school, and even now in Uni, you wondered if Kuroo felt the same about you. The stupid grin he’d give you, the way he’d laugh at all your jokes like they were the funniest thing he’s ever heard, the lingering hugs and touches he’d give you throughout the day. Just the thought of it gave made a warmth flow to your cheeks. He must feel something towards you, right?

Wrong.

Within the first few weeks of Uni, Kuroo already had a girlfriend. And dear god, she was stunning. Gorgeous, intelligent, witty, and sarcastic in just the right way to humor Kuroo. You felt you couldn’t hold a candle to her, no matter how hard you tried to keep it burning. Their was something odd about their relationship, too. Although Kuroo was dating her, his “friendliness” to you didn’t cease. He continued to be just as flirty and touchy as usual. He didn’t exhibit this type of behavior around his girlfriend, though, making you a bit suspicious. Was he…trying to incite something? If he was, you needed him to stop beating around the bush. It was getting too hard to decipher the hidden meanings behind his actions.

You awkwardly made your way to Kuroo’s couch, sitting down beside him while he attempted to make some light conversation with you. He invited you over for a “study session” but you didn’t see any study materials on the glass coffee table. In the back of your mind, you felt he had something else in mind, but you decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’d get it out later? After a few minute’s of mindless chatter. Kuroo grew quiet. His usual cheeky grin was absent from his face, it twisted into a a look of deep thought, and his brows were furrowed. He looked very discontent, for lack of a better word. An awkward silence fell between you two, until you gained the confidence to break it.

“Uh…are you…okay? You seem a little out of it.”

Kuroo averted his gaze looking a the ground for a few moments, before looking back to you. He leaned forward and raised his hands to cup your face. Your face instantly flushed, the sudden close contact surprising you. He closed his eyes and leaned towards you. He brought his lips close to yours, hesitating a bit, then softly pressing his warm lips on yours.  
You had to admit, you were waiting for this moment for a while, and you were definitely going to take advantage of it. You didn’t hesitate to deepen the kiss, roughly returning his kiss with ten times the fervor. Kuroo, not expecting such a reaction, toppled over, letting go of your face, his back hitting the couch softly. Not wanting to break the kiss, you followed suite, positioning yourself in between Kuroo’s legs and pinning him to the couch, grinding your crotch hard against his. After a couple seconds of recovery, Kuroo attempted to battle you for dominance, opening his mouth and rubbing his tongue against your lips to ask for entrance. You opened your mouth, allowing him to slip his tongue inside, but not giving him the upper hand, no matter how hard he tried. On his last attempt to gain control, took his chin in between your thumb ans index finger, causing him to freeze from your sudden action. You broke the kiss, and looked Kuroo in the eyes while taking his bottom lip in between your teeth, applying enough pressure to show you mean business but not to hurt him. His eyes widened at the sight and his already pink cheeks began to darken, the blush slowly spreading all the way to his ears. The adorable look of submission on his face was enough to convince you to absolutely wreck him on the couch.

It’s been a while since that night. You and Kuroo spent many other “study sessions” together since then, each one becoming progressively more intimate. He started off by simply holding your hand during the act, but now it progressed to him complimenting you during the act and holding your body as close to his as possible. One night, he even told you he loved you. But nothing really changed in your public relationship. He continued to go out with his girlfriend and act romantic with her, even around you. You couldn’t help but feel like the man was playing you like a fiddle. On his cold, lonely nights, you’d be there to keep him company and even offer him warmth, yet you gained nothing in return. Deep inside, you felt a bit guilty for doing this behind his girlfriend’s back. She was such a sweet girl and didn’t deserve this. But those nights you spent with Kuroo were invaluable, you desperately waited for his “come over” texts with no shame. He had you wrapped around his finger, and you were wound tight.

You sat in Kuroo’s lap, taking your sweet time exploring his mouth with your tongue. He was seated against the backboard of his the bed, while you seated above him, your legs at both sides of his hips. His arms were wrapped behind your thighs, grinding you against him and pulling you closer with each kiss. You tried to do your best and stay focused on him, but the guilt began to creep up on you again. You were in the bed he shared with his girlfriend, did this make you a homewrecker? A liar? A cheater? You were broke from your thoughts by the warm sensation of Kuroo’s lips kissing down your jaw, trailing their way down your neck. You moaned softly, allowing him to continue his actions while you began unbuttoning his jeans. You decided to bottle these thoughts for now, allowing yourself to be consumed by the pleasure. You could sort these things out later.

Kuroo plopped down beside you, his breathing labored from the actions you two just finished. He was completely naked, his toned body exposed for your viewing pleasure. He turned to where you lie, grinning confidently.

“How was it?” He asked with a small wink, his breathing still a bit uneven.

You smiled back, softly answering with a lethargic, yet honest, “great..” Sex was fucking tiring.

Kuroo chuckled quietly, leaning forward, only leaving a few inches in between your faces. “You’re so cute~ You gotta let me work you like this more often, babe. I promise it’ll be this good, no, even better, next time.”

It was your turn to laugh now. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, babe.”

Kuroo scoffed at your sassy comment. “I love you too~.” He teased, closing the gap between you two to seal your lips in a sincere kiss. 

Those three words. They struck a cord in you. Was he being serious? Did he even like you as much as you did him? Once he broke the kiss, you spoke up.

“Kuroo…” His brows perked up at the call of his name and his gaze became focused on you.

“What are we?”

His expression dropped, nervousness immediately striking his face. He cleared his throat, before shakily answering himself. 

“Uhm…I’m not sure what we have here…but…it’s good, right? I like how things are…don’t you?”

That was not the answer you were hoping for. You daydreamed about the time you spent with Kuroo awakening his feelings. He’d break up with his girlfriend, and you two would fall in love, living happily ever after. But sadly, that wasn’t reality. Kuroo harbored no true feelings for you, he was just using you for a quick fuck. Ironically, you felt like the one being cheated.

“I…” anger and sorrow bubbled in your chest, you sat up and got out of the bed, walking over to the clothes you shed earlier and quickly putting them on.

Kuroo quickly sat up in the bed. “Yo, what’s wrong? Did you think this was…something serious?” He asked, his voice lacking genuine concern.

You swiveled around to face him, half-clothed. You were trying to keep your cool, but his annoyance at the fact you caught feelings untethered your rage. “I’m sick of being your little secret!“ You yelled, tears beginning to well in your eyes. “This…isn’t fair…I deserve love too!” As much as you wanted to cry, you held it back. He really wasn’t worth the effort.

Kuroo looked shocked, he’d never seen you so upset before. His mouth opened to say something, but the sudden shut of the front door interjected his attempt.

“Shit, she’s here.” He whispered, cursing a bit. You heard her call out Kuroo’s name sweetly, trying to see if he was home. Kuroo’s gaze fell on you, his eyes desperate and pleading. “Hide.” He muttered, pointing to the closet.

You stood still, frozen in your tracks. You heard his girlfriend’s footsteps making their merry way up the steps, blissfully unaware of what was happening.

Should you comply, or out him and tell the truth? Time was wearing thin, with each passing second, her footsteps grew louder, and the ice in your veins froze colder.

What should you do?


	2. Two.

You determined your best bet was racing to the closet and hiding. If you stayed there, you’d be kicked out and possibly killed in a fit of rage. For now, it was best to hide instead of being skinned alive by Kuroo’s girlfriend.

The ice pulsing through you thawed out, you quietly gathered the rest of your garments and ducked into the closet, softly closing it shut behind you. Huddling in the corner, you held your breath as you heard her footsteps trail into the room.

“Ah, there you are!” She chirped happily, much to your relief.

Kuroo fake yawned and you heard a little movement coming from the bed, likely he was sitting up to speak with her.

“Hey, babe…” He said. God, his tired voice sounded so artificial. Couldn’t he try a bit harder? Both of your asses were on the line here!

“Oh, did I wake you? I’m sorry…” Her voice sounded so sweet and genuinely concerned. You sighed to yourself, feeling guilt grip your shoulder. She really didn’t deserve this.

You heard Kuroo shift again.

“I’m fine, what are you doing home so early?”

Kuroo’s girlfriend was silent for a couple of seconds.

“Are you…naked?”

Fuck. How was he gonna lie out of that? You mentally cursed yourself. You two were fucked.

“I…” Kuroo started, obviously attempting to come up with a believable lie. “was just planning on surprising you, baby~” You could practically hear the smirk in his voice. As much as you wanted to punch that sex addicted cat man, you had to admit he pulled a nice save.

“Oh really?” His girlfriend’s tone became just as sultry as his. “ Well I have to say, I am definitely excited to receive this ‘surprise’. How about you go ahead and give it to me now?” 

Holy shit. They were not going to fuck while you were here in the closet.

Right?

You opened the closet, careful not to make any noise, leaving a small slit for you to see through.

Wrong.

You saw Kuroo pull her into the bed, flipping the comforter off him and allowing her to straddle his bare lower body. She started taking off her shorts, while Kuroo made quick work of her blouse. Oh hell no. This was not happening. You rubbed your eyes, hoping, praying, you were just misinterpreting the sight.

Nope. You were seeing perfectly fine.

Kuroo and his girlfriend were making out pretty damn hard now, you wondered if he was trying to kiss her or eat her goddamn face. It was starting to become obvious he was making a show of this. What’s this man’s problem? Doesn’t he realize he’s at your mercy now? You can easily just walk out of the closet and fuck this whole relationship up in a heartbeat. Kuroo wrapped his arms around his girlfriend’s body, pulling her close and allowing him access to the clasp of her bra. He looked over to the closet, making eye contact with you. You froze again, feeling the ice creep up in your veins once more. He mouthed “Perv~” at you before flashing you a wink and unclasping her bra.

That’s fucking it.

He pinned her down to the bed, and you saw your opening. If he kept her busy for just a few more seconds, she wouldn’t be able to see you make your leave. You crouched down, your belongings gathered under one arm, and quickly made your way across the room, virtually soundless. As you passed the bed, their moans became more audible. The sounds of lips smacking and “Oh Kuroo~”s made you want to vomit. You never really realized how gross sex sounded until you became the poor bystander forced to listen to it. His girlfriend’s leg flung across the side of the bed, barely missing you, causing you to flinch and drop your underwear.

Shit.

You tried to reach down and grab them, but the sound of them beginning to sit up again startled you, so you decided not to rescue Privates Ryan and made a quick crouch-dash out of the room and bolted down the stairs. Downstairs, you frantically pulled on your shorts and shirt, and beelined to the door and rushed out of that hellhole.

It’s been a couple of days since the incident, and it’s safe to say you haven’t fully recovered. You’ve been nursing the problem with a few shots of Southern Comfort every few hours, but it was severely lacking in the latter. If anything, you just felt more depressed, guilty, and used. Kuroo attempted to call you earlier, but you let him go to voicemail. You didn’t have the mental endurance to speak with him right now. While lying on your bed, you realized just trying to repress your feelings and steadily becoming a junior member to A.A. wasn’t the right thing to do. You needed to something to clear your mind. Going outside would be a nice start, right? You slapped on some sweats and a comfy hoodie and decided to go to the library. You had some studying to do and you could grab a refreshing coffee while you’re out. It would be a nice trip to de-stress and clear your mind healthily. So you grabbed your dorm keys and began your light walk to the library.

You sat down at one of the soft University library couches, sinking into it and sighing in comfort. This was a great idea. You took a sip of your drink as noticed how busy it seemed to be today. In the huge, homey library you watched as a few students chatted nicely with the librarians, asking them where things were located. The calico library cat napped on the main desk as students passed by, giving it little pets and ear scratches, much to Catticus Finch’s enjoyment. On the other side of the main desk, a fancy planted fishtank sat with a purple betta swimming lazily around it waiting for food. You heard a bit of commotion, and turned around to find its source. A study group was silently arguing in the corner, and you took note of how diverse they seemed. The blonde, hippy looking girl of the group appeared to be arguing with the snarky looking playboy one with a huge forehead. The others, a white brunette lady with blue doe eyes, an old pudgy white man, a plump, motherly middle-aged darkskinned woman with a medium length brown afro, and a pair of boys-black and middle eastern-who seemed to be around the same age, seemed to be a little invested in the argument themselves. While those two went back and forth, the others seemed to chime in with their own sassy digs, causing the arguing pair to give them a look while the others laughed. You attempted to eavesdrop into their potentially interesting conversation, but you were interrupted by the soft clearing of someone’s throat in front of you.

“Hey…you take Mr. Williams, right?”

You peered up at the person talking to you. Golden eyes. Monochrome hair. Ah, yeah, this is the kid that sits a few seats in front of you in your English class. What was his name again? Bob? Borat? Whatever, you knew it was Bo-something.

“Yeah, you’re in my class, right?….Bo…..” you dragged on the “o” sound, searching through the vastness of your mind for this dude’s name.

“It’s Bokuto, Bokuto Koutarou.” He flashed you a bright smile and plopped down beside you. He was a little too close for a first proper meeting, but he seemed friendly, so you allowed him to stay where he was. “What’s your name? I’ve see you around but we never talk!” He seemed a bit upset at that for some reason. He’s never made an attempt to speak with you before this, though.

You introduced yourself, and asked what he needed from you.

“Oh yeah…” He chuckled, before answering. “I don’t really need any help…I just wanted an excuse to talk to you.” A pale blush appeared on his cheeks as he began rubbing his neck sheepishly.  
You felt your cheeks heat up as well in response to his honest reply. You shyly laughed it off before he switched the conversation to something else.

This was the start of something new, and you were going to embrace it.

You began meeting up with Bokuto regularly at the library every other day. You guys would talk about life, new music, your favorite T.V. shows, and basically anything else that came to mind. Sometimes, you’d study Biology a bit, but you two would get off track easily and begin pointing to the random images in the book and comparing them to each other. The more you hung out with him, the more you began to realize how genuine and caring of a guy he was. He texted you every day, asking how you are, brought you leftovers when he had them, laughed at your jokes, listened to you rant…he became your best friend, and your only friend, in a short amount of weeks. You guys had the same relationship you and Kuroo had previously, yet without the lying and cheating. It was a foreign concept to you, such a positive relationship without repercussions, but you were really enjoying it. You began to think about him in a different , dare you say it, romantic way, over time. You thought fondly of when he’d put an arm around your shoulder and greet you before class, when he’d congratulate you on a good test score by pulling you into an excited hug, when he’d bring you a nice, hot drink whenever he’d meet you in the library and give you a soft, friendly smile. You…had a crush on the owlish man.

He even got your mind completely off Kuroo, who, now that you thought about it, attempted to contact you many times in the past few weeks. You didn’t respond, of course, and obviously he grew desperate. He even tried to email you…who under 40 unironically uses email for personal things?

You shook off your thoughts and put the finishing touches on your famous gourmet meal, “A Bag of Doritos in a Fancy Glass Bowl” and set them on the coffee table in front of the couch. You were hanging out with Bokuto today, and you were quite excited. You planned a funny movie marathon on your small couch. Strategically small couch. You were hoping the petiteness of the couch would allow you some quality cuddle time with Bokuto. You were ready to take this relationship to the next level, and you were hoping this would give him the push to make his move.

The sound of the doorbell ringing interrupted your thoughts, he’s here! You took a deep breath, put on your friendliest smile, and made your way to the door, hoping that the stars would align in your favor.

You were in the middle of the movie marathon, and nothing has happened. Bokuto sat on the opposite side of the couch, he looked uncharacteristically nervous. Wait…weren’t you in a scene just like this before? You dismissed the thought and focused back on the task at hand. In opposition to Bokuto, you were chill as fuck. Not even a cucumber could face you in a battle of coolness. You waited a few treacherous moments more, before deciding it was time to make your move. It was now or never, and you were choosing now.

You contemplated a lot of cheesy movie moves, the yawing arm over the shoulder, reaching for chips at the same time, accidentally putting your hand on top of his….no, those wouldn’t work. Bokuto doesn’t get when you beat around the bush. You need to be direct. You took a deep breath, and made your move. Sweeping a blanket off the back of the couch, you leaned over, letting your head hit his shoulder and your body lie against his side, and enveloped the blanket over the two of you. You felt Bokuto immediately stiffen up. You gotta fix this.

“Uh…I thought you may be cold…we can cuddle…if you want.” God, curse your awkwardness.

Thankfully, Bokuto relaxed, allowing an arm to slip around your shoulder.

“I’d…really like that…” YES. He sounded just as awkward as you.

You two cuddled on the couch for the rest of the evening, enjoying each other’s company.

Alas, it was getting close to midnight, and Bokuto was getting tired. You guys both agreed it was time to return to his dorm so he could get a good night’s sleep.  
You walked him to the door, his hand linked in yours, and stopped in front of it. Bokuto really did look tired, poor baby. His eyes had small, grey bags under them, and he couldn’t stop himself from yawning and stretching a bit. You weren’t complaining, however, he exposed a little bit of his midriff, and you were silently praising God for that heavenly view of his faint V line.  
“Well, I guess this is goodnight. See ya tomorrow.”

Bokuto muttered a sleepy “Night…” releasing your hand and staggering to the door. He placed his hand on the doorknob before stopping. You stood still for a few seconds, wondering what he was up to. Was it locked?

Bokuto abruptly turned around briskly walking towards you and cupping your cheeks. You stared at his golden orbs in awe. Despite the low lighting in the room, they shone like full moons.  
Bokuto rubbed his thumb delicately across your cheeks.

“C-can I kiss you?”

You didn’t give an answer, swiftly closing the gap between the two of you. His lips were a little chapped, but mostly soft, and tasted like…Nacho Cheese? Eh, you just rolled with it, it was your idea to have Doritos anyway.

You two broke apart, both equally flustered. Bokuto reluctantly let go of your cheeks and spoke up.

“Goodnight…I-I’ll call you t-tomorrow!” Oh my god, he’s so adorable when he’s embarrassed. Bokuto quickly made his way out of your door and, before the door closed, you caught a glimpse of him…fist pumping? You rolled your eyes playfully, hearing the door shut securely.

Bokuto may be a dork, but he sure is a lovable one.

“BRO…YOU WON’T BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME LAST NIGHT.” Bokuto burst into his friend’s house, almost scaring the shit out of him.

Kuroo sighed in relief when he realized it was Bokuto excitedly coming into his house and not a crazy psycho killer. He really needed to lay off the late night horror video marathons.

“BRO. What happened?”

“YOU KNOW THAT GIRL I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT.:”

Kuroo couldn’t help but get a little excited, Bokuto has been crushing on this mystery girl for a while. He was glad his best friend was able to find someone that made him so happy.

“YEAH BRO.”

“I KISSED HER.”

Kuroo shot up from his spot in the kitchen, and made his way towards Bokuto, who donned a smile that could practically blind the whole town.

“BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.”

"BROOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

They started jumping up and down together in excitement, eventually calming down and laughing their asses off.

“Dude, you gotta let me meet her.” Kuroo said in between giggles.

“Of course! You gotta! Maybe we can all go on a double date! It would be so lit!! And we can get icecream and I can totally annihilate you in DDR! And…wait..” Bokuto stopped his tangent, looking around a bit. “Where’s your girlfriend…?”

Kuroo felt an arrow strike his chest.

“She…broke up with me.”

“Aw…” Bokuto’s excited smile quickly turned upside down, his body language responding to comfort his friend. “Do you…wanna talk about it…?”

Kuroo realized there was a ninety-nine point nine percent chance Bokuto would kick his ass if he told him the truth. Deciding he enjoyed his ass where it was, Kuroo just shook his head.  
“Not yet…but anyways, the outing still sounds fun! I’d still love to meet this cute friend of yours.” Kuroo plastered on a fake smile and attempted to get his friend’s attention off the breakup.

"YEAH! I’ll text her right now!”

Bokuto dragged you behind him along the sidewalk, walking with way too much pep in his step. He said something earlier about you two meeting his best friend. You didn’t get very many details from the owlish male, as he was too focused on getting you out of the house. You did manage to hear he’s so cool, funny, and a…what was it…flip cup champ? You made a mental note that if you ever got invited to a party, you need him to tag along too. The glory of the win in flip cup was too much to put at any kind of risk. Whoever Bokuto was taking you to meet must be hella cool.  
You guys approached a cafe and went inside. The cool air gently hit you when you went inside, and the smell of freshly made coffee wafted into your nose, making you feel refreshed. Bokuto looked around eagerly, as you gazed at the menu, entranced by the diverse amount of options the small business gave you. Bokuto made a cute little gasp and began waving his arms frantically, eyes focused on a seat near the back of the coffee shop. You reluctantly looked away from the menu and trailed his gazed only to see a mess of black hair. Holy fucking shit. Please don’t let it be him. Please let it be some sort of evil doppelganger. You hid behind a Bokuto and peeked out from behind his back, letting the being stand up and face the two of you.  
But there he was.

Kuroo Fucking Tetsurou.


	3. Three.

Shit…SHIT. This couldn’t be happening. What episode of Degrassi did God watch and decide to model your life after? You quickly looked around for your nearest escape route. The bathroom? Nah, it was in the back of the shop. Should you just…wait in line? Maybe he’d think you’re a random customer…? Nope, that’s just plain stupid. Could you just…silently walk out the door? Nadda. Bokuto wouldn’t forget your presence that easily. Realizing you were trapped, the icy feeling that was once foreign to you returned again. You couldn’t move. Just stare.

A warmth enveloped around your hand, and you looked down to see Bokuto’s large, soft hand interlock with yours. His thumb softly grazed the outside of your palm, soothing you a bit. It seemed like a smidge of Bokuto’s confidence transferred to you, and it was more than enough. You felt the ice began to thaw, and for once, melt away.

You had to face this head on. You were strong, capable. Just play it cool.

“Hey bro!” Bokuto skipped down to where Kuroo was standing, trailing you along.

As you walked down the aisle, Kuroo made eye contact with you. His usual, playful grin faltered a bit at your presence, as if a wave of malcontent thoughts hit him for a second. He quickly straightened himself out, yet his smile wasn’t as prominent as before.

“Kuroo, this is who I wanted you to meet!” Bokuto pushed you in front of him, placing you directly in front of him. “C’mon, don’t be shy! Introduce yourself!” Bokuto placed a firm hand on your shoulder and gave you a reassuring smile. Oddly, this made you feel a little more confident in your abilities to handle the situation.  
You introduced yourself to Kuroo, holding out a hand to shake his. He took it, but looked more shaken than your hands would be. You looked him in the eyes, silently pleading with him to just go along with it and to hopefully leave the past behind you two.

Kuroo’s grip was exceptionally gentle as he said, “I’m Kuroo….Kuroo Tetsurou…”

The whole “first” coffee meeting was incredibly and undeniably awkward. You couldn’t cease the thoughts of you and Kuroo’s past relationship and…excursions, from surfacing in your mind. Even looking at him now made you feel cheap and used.

The first thing Kuroo asked when the three of you sat down was “How are you?”

You honestly didn’t know how to respond at first. You wanted to tell him about all the emotional trauma he caused you. How he’s the reason it’s so hard for you to trust people, even sweet, benevolent Bokuto. How he made you feel like you were a second option, a rebound, and no one would ever think of you differently. But it wasn’t the time for such an outburst. You swallowed your feelings and plastered on a faux smile, answering “fine” with the most normal voice you could manage. Kuroo kept the conversation light and mainly between him and Bokuto while you busied yourself on your phone, attempting to block out Kuroo’s voice and fixing your ears on the fluctuation of Bokuto’s tone as he spoke.

You thought your date with the devil was over after you guys left the coffee shop, but Bokuto insisted you all go to the arcade. Apparently, it’d been a week since he got to check the scores on DDR and he wanted to make sure no one surpassed his superior talent. You weren’t completely on board, and almost cashed in your free “I have homework” pass to get yourself out of the situation, however, a strong need to see Bokuto’s skills overwhelmed you. You were hopped up on caffeine, anyway, so it’d be for nothing if you didn’t invest it in something. Kuroo seemed to be ignoring your presence anyway, so you really didn’t have to worry about him killing your vibe. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad? The arcade was just a block away from your Uni, too, so you could leave whenever you wanted. Everything checked out, so why not just enjoy yourself for the night? Though, as your trio made way to the arcade, it felt more like Bokuto and Kuroo were flirting and you were the third wheel now.

You never realized how much you missed this fluorescent, flashing building from childhood until now. As you walked in, you felt a wave of nostalgia crash into you. Your eyes widened in with childlike wonder as you analyzed the many games situated throughout the iridescent game room. Some children littered the room, yet due to evening approaching, their numbers seemed to be dwindling. More adults were here than you were expecting, which was ultimately relieving. There were claw machines, “Test Your Strengths”, Wack-a-Moles, you name it, they had it. You were about to find yourself a “Hoops!” machine (you needed to rack up some tickets) before Bokuto stopped you, excitedly pointing at the DDR machine. Oh yeah! That’s mainly what you came for anyway. You walked over with Bokuto and watched him investigate the flashy menu for the high scores.

“Shit! Who is this “BOB” who beat my score?!” Bokuto yelled, arms moving dramatically to his head. “And over 1000 points? I’m screwed!”

Bokuto’s foul language made you twice as relieved of the lack of children. You’d almost forgotten Kuroo’s presence until you heard him snort at the time as you. You couldn’t help as your mood soured a bit.

“Bokuto.” The owlish man looked at you curiously. You gave him a confident smile and a thumbs up. “Kick their ass, babe.”

Bokuto’s cheeks grew rosy at your sudden affection, and he returned an equally as confident smile.

“You got it, babe.”

You have never, ever seen someone dance so fast. Bokuto was completely focused on the game, scoring perfects on every arrow to “Crazy Barber”. You were mesmerized. The movement of his feet was so fast it started to make yours ache a bit. You had to give it to him, though, he wasn’t exaggerating his skills. You casually sipped a soda from the food court and continued to watch him. While entranced by Bokuto’s fantastical footing, you felt a hand on your shoulder, making you jump a bit. You looked up at the perpetrator and frowned. Kuroo.

He didn’t look at you, just continued to look forward and watch Bokuto. In a low voice, he murmured to you, “We need to talk.”

You stood still, unsure of how to respond. Did he really deserve any of your time or breath? He’d caused nothing but trouble for you. But, for once, you felt you had the ability to face him. You needed some sort of closure, too after all. Kuroo owed you a thousand apologies and you needed to collect immediately.

You nodded, whispering a soft “okay” to him.

Kuroo called out to Bokuto, letting him know you two were going to refill your drinks at the food court. Bokuto, being pretty busy himself, just responded with a slurred “‘kay”.

You sat across the table from Kuroo, looking him dead in the eyes. Both of you were silent, not knowing where to start. He cleared his throat softly and began to speak, “I want to apologize…”

You rolled your eyes. “No shit, Sherlock.”

Kuroo looked a bit taken back at your sass, but brushed it off. He deserved it.

“Look…I know…I treated you terribly…I…really didn’t mean it…” He avoided your eyes and began staring at his twiddling thumbs.

“Wow, great apology Kuroo! I feel all my trauma just vanishing from my body! Wanna go skip off into the sunset together now?” You only felt a little bad about that one.

Kuroo took a deep breath and sighed.

“…I…was projecting things onto you…and you didn’t deserve it.”

Oh, this was new. You rose a brow, urging him to continue.

Kuroo closed his eyes. “My girlfriend abused me.”

What? You sat in silence, thinking it better to just listen instead of reacting.

Kuroo squeezed his eyes tighter, as if he was holding something back. “It was never physical…just…emotional….I don’t want to go into it right now, but, she sincerely fucked me up.” He opened his eyes and looked up making it easy to see he was attempting to stop tears from falling. “You didn’t deserve that….you….us…that was the purest relationship I’ve ever known. The only form of true love I’ve ever known.” He reached out and grabbed your hands, and you let his interlock with yours. His hands were so cold, a major contraction to your warm palms. “But I used you. I preyed on you. I took out my pain on you….I don’t excuse my actions or think you should forgive me…but…I’m sorry. Please. Don’t hate me. I…love you…” A few loose tears fell down his cheeks, but he held the rest inside.

You were speechless. Reacting on instinct to his melancholy tangent, you reached across the table and hugged him. He hugged you back, tighter than ever, and nuzzled into your shoulder. After a few seconds, you broke the hug and began pulling away. Kuroo wasn’t finished with you yet, though. He gently grabbed your face and made you look at him. His hazel eyes were swirling with emotion, hypnotizing you. You felt your heart rate accelerate. Despite your efforts not to fall for his charms again, you couldn’t resist. You thought about the good moments you shared with Kuroo and how totally, helplessly head over heels you were for him. Feelings like that don’t go away so easily. You weren’t strong. You were weak. And so was Kuroo.

“Please…let’s start over…I need you..” He leaned in closer to your lips, and you obliged, losing yourself in a feeling you’ve craved since high school. Kuroo kissed you passionately, grasping your face firmly. The kiss was real, full of love, making you crave more. The two of you parted and Kuroo attempted to pull you into another one, but you resisted. He opened his eyes and looked back at you again. Kuroo rubbed his thumb over the rise of your cheeks and gazed apologetically into your eyes.

“Let’s start over.”

You knew this was wrong. Kuroo had his excuses, and you’d forgiven him, but the way he treated you wasn’t healthy. You and Kuroo were two unhealthy, emotionally fragile, co-dependent people. You knew what was best for you, for both of you.

“Kuroo…” You felt his grip on your face tighten in anticipation. “I’m…sorry…but….I can’t…”

Kuroo’s gaze fell, obviously crestfallen. He let go of your face and sat down in front of you again. “I…understand.” He kissed you once more, this time on your forehead, and slipped something into your hand. “Please…don’t forget me. If you ever need anything, I’m here.” Then he got up and briskly fled the scene.

You looked down at your hand, wondering what he gave you.

A tiny, stuffed pink kitten sat at the end of a chain. It was holding a heart, making you flinch a little. You felt a little bad for rejecting him, but negated it quickly. You and Kuroo were bad for each other. Nothing good would derive from that relationship. You collected yourself and stood up from the metal food court chairs, walking back to the game room.

Kuroo was nowhere to be found, but you weren’t surprised at that notion. You made your way to the DDR machine, only for it to be empty. Where was Bokuto? You didn’t see him when you walked past the other sections of the game room. You attempted to call him, only for it to ring twice and go to voicemail. Where the hell did that kid go?

You saw Kuroo exit the bathroom hall to the far wall, and you quickly walked over to him.

“Hey,” you greeted him. Kuroo was still a bit shaken up, and maintained eye contact with the ground as you spoke to him. “Have you seen Bokuto?”

Kuroo shrugged.

“We should probably go find him. I’m a little worried.”

Kuroo nodded but paused when his phone buzzed. When he unlocked it and read the message you saw him tense, the look on his face as though he’d received a death threat or something.

“Kuroo,” you asked, a hand rested on his shoulder, “you okay, man?”

He didn’t reply, just flipped his phone to face you, allowing you to read the message.

Brokuto: I told you I liked her.


	4. Four.

You gawked at the pixelated letters, dread overcoming you.

You felt tears well in your eyes as you looked up and Kuroo. The dread melted away, only to be replaced with the torrid feeling of rage. Nothing good ever came from him. Kuroo ruined so many things for you, and he just HAD to fuck this up too. You clenched your fist, and slowly raised it over your head, determining whether or not you should punch him square in the jaw. Kuroo realized your actions and quickly recoiled, bracing himself for impact. You paused, however, and allowed yourself a moment to cool down. You relaxed your body and dropped your fist, Kuroo seemed more than relieved.

Staring him down, you told him in a stern voice, “We’re going to find him. And you are gonna fix this mess.”

Kuroo’s eyebrows furrowed and his mouth moved to retaliate, but he became visibly nervous from the intensity of your stare, and quickly backed down. Reluctantly, he replied to you, “Okay.”

You two walked down the dark, evening streets, looking for Koutarou. It couldn’t have been that long since he left, so you both agreed if you walked briskly you’d be able to catch up with him before he could get to his dorm. You kept your eyes focused on the sidewalk ahead of you, ignoring the flashy signs and buildings you passed. You were focused on finding that monochrome mop of cute spiky hair you’ve grown to love. Bokuto was one in a million, and you couldn’t lose him. He was really all you had at this point.

The two of you continued down the block, yet there was no sign of your target. The tears returned to your eyes again, and you began to break down. Kuroo awkwardly came to your side, stretching out his hands to reassure you in some way, but you stepped back. Just looking at him made you fill with rage again, and this time, you let your levees burst. 

“Don’t FUCKING TOUCH ME.”

Kuroo jumped back at your words. He had seen you upset before, but this was entirely different. You weren’t holding anything back, this time you were really going to give it to him. Kuroo looked genuinely frightened. 

“Do you realize…what you’ve done to me..?” Anyone listening could hear the seething rage despite the shift in volume. “My confidence…my dignity…my ability to trust others…all because of you.”

You took another step forward only for him to retreat.

“I couldn’t even talk to Bokuto without thinking, somehow, he wanted to hurt me….I’m living in constant fear of rejection…because of the way you treated me for so damn long…”

Kuroo looked like he wanted to apologize, his wide eyes fixated on you and he opened his mouth slightly. But he took his bottom lip between his teeth instead, letting you rant.

Another step. 

Another attempted step back, but ceased by the presence of a wall. 

You stepped again, bringing yourself only a foot away from Kuroo’s face.

“AND I’M SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT.”

You raised your palm, and this time, you didn’t hold back. Swiftly swinging your arm around, you delivered a satisfying slap onto Kuroo’s left cheek, hard enough to force his head sideways. You felt a few stray tears fall down your face, but you wiped them away quickly, not wanting to show Kuroo any weakness.

He allowed himself a moment to process what happened, then slowly turned to look at you again, bringing his hand up to rub his cheek softly. You avoided his eyes, focusing on the concrete beneath your feet but it felt like you were standing in quick sand, slowly being suffocated.

“I’m sorry…”

You fished out the keychain from your back pocket and threw it into the nearest garbage can.

“Let’s go.”

Kuroo trailed a few feet behind you as you turned around the corner. You frantically looked around, before spotting a flash of silver on a bench down the street.

“BOKUTO!”

You darted down the street towards him, as fast as your feet could carry you. Please God, let it be him. The figure’s head whipped around, revealing familiar golden eyes.You finally found him.  
Bokuto stood rigid as the two of you approached. The dim streetlight illuminated his face a bit, and you could see his tearstained cheeks and puffy eyes. The sight was enough to make your stomach drop, the relief of finding him faded into guilt.

“Bokuto…I….” You were at a loss of words. “I’m sorry…”

He avoided your eyes, maintaining his silence. Kuroo spoke up, “Bokuto…this was my fault…see, we’ve known each other for a while…and I just couldn’t hold back. I’m really sorry.” Still he remained silent. “I hope you can forgive me…I know how much you like her…I’ve fucked up too many times tonight. I have to make things right."

Bokuto, continuing to look down, replied, “Liked her.”

What? You felt your heart stop. Liked you? Does that mean?

“Bokuto…” You reached out to him, and for the first time, he rejected your touch.

“I don’t think this can work out if…you feel the need to lie to me…” Bokuto finally looked up at the two of you. “You two were the closest people to me…I trusted you guys.” His voice was abnormally passive. You wanted him to yell, scream, anything he needed to do to purge his innermost feelings and hopefully put this behind you guys. The absence of emotion from him was truly heartbreaking.

“You guys…went behind my back…I’m not as stupid as I look.”

You and Kuroo were silent, unsure of what to say. Bokuto was right all the way. You wanted to hug him and tell him about how you didn’t mean it, but you knew that wouldn’t make a difference. You hurt Bokuto by playing into one of his biggest flaws-his naivety. Nothing could hurt him worse than that.

“I’m going home.”

And with that, he walked down the street. You meekly called out to him, hoping with every ounce of your being that’d he turn around, giving you a chance to explain, apologize, and just hold him one more time. He ignored your call and continued on his way.

You looked up at Kuroo, only to see he was crying too. This must’ve hurt him the most, you thought. Not only did he just lose his girlfriend, but now he lost his best friend. You knew how close those two were, and now you weren’t sure if they’d ever speak again. He buried his face in his palms and sobbed. As much as you wanted to comfort the man, you knew what was best. You parted from Kuroo’s side and didn’t look back.

Weeks past and still hadn’t spoken to Bokuto. You also hadn’t heard from Kuroo either. He didn’t even update his social media anymore. You were a little worried for him, but shook it off. You weren’t going to fall into that hellish cycle again.

Bokuto still sat in front of you in English class, and it was almost if nothing had changed. Sometimes you’d pretend you guys were friends again, and for those few minutes, everything seemed okay. However, reality would slap you in the face as soon as he’d leave the class without you and disappear down the University corridors without so much as backward glance in your direction.  
You wanted to speak with him, but it took you so long to build up the confidence. Each time you prepped yourself to do it, as soon as you saw Bokuto, guilt washed over you and you remained silent. You finally managed, after quite a long while, to find the humility and confidence to apologize properly to him. As soon as class ended, you trailed him, waiting for the proper time to stop him.  
When he came to a stop, you sped up to meet him, but upon nearing him saw he was talking to someone…another girl…and he wrapped his arm around her.

Just like how he used to with you.

And walked her down the hallway, both joyously laughing, probably at one of the dumb jokes.

Like the ones he used to tell you.

You stood alone in the corridor, letting the sea of people flow around you and this time when you felt the ice in your veins return, you didn’t fight it.


End file.
